Thoughts: 30 Isn’t So Bad

It’s been about four months after I turned 30, and what I’ve come up with shouldn’t be a shock.

30 isn’t all that bad.

From friends that I’ve talked to, they seem to dread the number (I dreaded it a little bit as well, but I played it cool). While I haven’t gotten a straight answer other than “It’s because I’m 30!!!” I think it has to do with that we never thought of reaching this age when we were younger. It’s all about that mindset that we have, or what age we still feel like in our mind. For me, I still feel like I was back in college, I make mention of it here in more detail.

What have I taken away from my experience of 30 so far? It’s an achievement to have made it this far, but there is still so much more to do! I’m not settled with where I’m at in life, but that doesn’t mean I’m unhappy with my situation. At least not now, anyway.

For the first time in a couple of years, I feel like I’m going in the right direction. Things are going well in all facets of life. The only area where I’m having a bit of an issue is settling down with a woman that captivates me, but that’s something I’ve been working on over the last four months.

It started with being more proactive, finally succumbing to the “online dating” situation, but only so far as Tinder will allow. Put this in with the other ways that I meet women, in person, and I’ve dated more now than at any other point in my life. And I’m talking dating, not just randomly “hooking up” with girls. But, there has been that as well. Now I can’t lie that I have been attracted to some of these women on another level than what I usually am, but things just never came out of it. Things happen, but this is an area that I am working on and something that I think needs to happen eventually.

I’m still keeping fit and eating healthy, which is something I’ve done consistently over the last few years and I think has helped me to look and feel young (I gotta admit, I love the compliments I keep hearing from people! Keep’em coming!). But, I have learned to enjoy the tastiness of ice cream, fried foods, candies and cookies more. There is some leeway for moderation, and some people are not meant to go totally “hardcore” like I do. There are other “makes and models” of humans, this works for me and I need to learn that not everyone fits into the same mold.

The last thing I’ve learned as 30 has come is to enjoy your time with both friends and family. Time is limited the older you get. Friends and family of mine are getting married, having babies and starting families of their own. They don’t have the same time to devote to pointless things as they used to, like playing video games or driving around aimlessly in search of adventure. Everyone is already in some sort of adventure. So when you are with either family or friends, enjoy the time you have together.

These are just some things that I’ve noticed about 30, and getting older in general. I know there are some people that are reading this thinking either “no way, you don’t know what you are talking about. 30 is so far away!” or “well, you think that right now, but wait what happens over the next few years. You’ll change your thoughts completely!”

I look forward to both responses, let me know what you think of these observations!

Currently Listening To:

Sinead O’Connor – Nothing Compares 2 U

The First Four Matches and Analysis

With the NCAA Tournament well underway with the First Four games of the tournament, I thought to myself “self, we should do our own First Four analysis!” About NCAA Basketball? While I’m sure I can make a valiant attempt at it, I probably couldn’t do it justice (at least not now anyway, and certainly not in this forum!). Instead, I will do an analysis of the First Four matches that I’ve had on Tinder!

Being brand spanking new to the scene, I was curious to see what would work and what didn’t. Through these introductory conversations, you can easily tell what works and what doesn’t. Perhaps this will be a help to all you guys out there, and you can do it while watching the NCAA Tournament!

First Match

Over 30 miles away from my central destination. Meaning she probably lives in New Jersey. She’s an attractive 29 year-old woman with a Bob Marley quote in her profile. Once I get the “match” notification from Tinder, I send a message to her. The message was, “Hi, Tinder said we liked each other haha. How are you?”

Result? No response. In retrospect, that introduction comes off a little weird. While weird works for me in the “real world” while meeting people (I’m more of a conversationalist), I understand it could be taken the wrong way online.

Second Match

About 15-20 miles away from my location. This is a little more tricky, as she could be anywhere from Brooklyn, Connecticut or anywhere in between. My guess is Brooklyn judging from her pictures, she had a bit of a hipster vibe. She has a fake name and a fake age (108!) listed on her profile, the only link into who she is revolves around a quote from C.S. Lewis, one that I enjoyed. I send over, “Hey, how’s it going? Nice CS Lewis quote.”

Result? A response! “Hey” and “It’s good rite?” Upon receiving these separate messages, I responded “I think so, gets ya thinking. What’s your name? And you look good for 108 haha.” Result? No response. In retrospect, perhaps it was too early to ask serious questions like I did and I should’ve just gone more into the quote. But, it was going to come sooner or later.

Third Match

Around 10-15 miles away from me. It is certain I’ve found someone who lives on the same island as me! Very exciting to say the least. Very attractive 23 year-old with something in her profile saying “New York City is my playground.” I reach out and say “Hey, good morning! You live in the city?”

Result? A response, but a day later. But, this conversation extended way longer than the previous one (I will spare you all the details). The week long discussion ended though, once I gave her my number. In retrospect, I may have given the number too early while in conversation. Or, I may not have shown too much of a sexual attraction to her (even though she is enormously attractive) in an attempt to not come off as strange. All things come to an end!

Fourth Match

Over 35 miles away. Another New Jersey girl makes an appearance. A young girl, 19 years old and it looks like she’s a dancer of some kind. In her profile, it said something along the lines of “This is my favorite game!” She has since changed it to “I’m here to make fun of you….” I send to her “Good morning! What are you up to?”

Result? No response, and not surprisingly. As she said, she considered it more of a game. In retrospect, why did I even send a message on this one?

Overall, not much happened with these First Four matches. What they did do for me is give me some solid experience with online interaction, and that’s a good thing. Gather from this what you will gentlemen. There is a common theme between each of these interactions, to which I will address at a later time. Hopefully this helps you all in some way. What did you notice between each of these interactions?

Currently Listening To:

Weezer – Dope Nose

Single Life: An Introduction to Online Dating

I’ve been very hesitant about entering the world of online dating for quite some time. My thoughts about online dating were never totally negative. In fact, in recent years it seems to have gained more traction among people in my age group as a socially acceptable way to meet new people. So, if there was a stigma associated with online dating at its onset, now it appears to have completely dissipated into the air. If that’s not what was holding me back from joining, then what was preventing me from taking action?

My whole idea about online dating has been this; I prefer to meet my crazies in the flesh.

I have always felt that I’m pretty good at measuring a person and figuring out how they operate. Meeting a person face-to-face enables me to get a “vibe” as to who they are and it’s easier to determine if they are crazy or not. Women go through the same process, except they try to measure a person’s “creep” factor, at least from what I’ve gathered in talking to women. I feel a little bit more control when I meet someone in-person. There are subtleties that a person can pick up when meeting in “the real world” that would be difficult to observe through online interaction. That’s all changed now.

I’ve put these thoughts on the back-burner for the time being and finally decided to test the waters of the online dating scene. I’ve decided to dip my toe into the waters by signing up for the dating app Tinder. For those who don’t know, it is pretty self-explanatory. It’s another way to meet people, but through a phone app only. How it works is it signs the individual in through Facebook, grabs a couple of photos from your profile, and if you filled out the ‘About Me’ section in Facebook (am I the only one that did this?), it’ll transfer that over as well. Now the interesting part begins!

Upon signing in and creating a profile, the “fun” starts. You are introduced to another member of the app, in my case a woman but that can be changed in the settings. When confronted with the profile, the individual can swipe the picture to the right to “like” the profile, or to the left to say “nope” to that particular profile. When the two individuals both “like” each others’ profile, the app will tell both “you have a match” in a pretty obvious way so there is no way to miss it. Here, both people have the option to message the other and get a rapport started. That is the entire process.

There are a few issues with the app of course, but we shall see how this goes. A follow-up will be coming shortly. I have a feeling some interesting events will stem from my signing up . Let’s just hope the crazies don’t pop up too often.

Currently Listening To:

Red Hot Chili Peppers – Tell Me Baby

Single Life: Do we Rely too much on Online Dating?

There was a time, it seems ages ago now, that people would actually meet each other out in the world. Whether it would be at a park, a bar, or a mall. Human interaction was the foundation of starting relationships. With the advent of the internet, a great tool for sure, it was only a matter of time before people would take to meeting each other through the computer. Now, it is perhaps one of the most common ways people meet and get into relationships. With that being said, has this, in some way, affected our interactions in everyday life? Of course it has! Do spontaneous fact-to-face meetings ever happen anymore? That, I’m not so sure about.

Speaking from personal experience (and amongst the various information I’ve gathered from friends and acquaintances), it seems like spontaneous meetings outside of the online universe are becoming more and more rare. While I meet people when I’m out, I feel it’s most definitely easier for people (especially shy people) to meet online, develop a rapport with one another, and then eventually meet out in person to see if there is chemistry and attraction with each other. This puts those that are not online (people like myself) at a disadvantage. While meeting people online is advantageous because of the relationship that is being established, as well as having the huge pool of single (or people looking for affairs) people readily available to chat, there is an advantage to meeting people in public arenas.

When talking online, a person can feel more empowered to say anything they want. It emboldens a person to pry a little more than they normally would when speaking face-to-face. Also, people have time to respond to a statement or question whenever they want. When speaking in person, it takes a lot more confidence, and a certain brashness, to ask certain things to another person. Not only this, but if there is a pause in conversation, that leads to the “awkward silence” that people dread. This forces people to be more witty, and charming, to a certain degree. It’s not only what someone says, it’s how they say it to garner the response that they are looking for from the other person. It not only teaches you to have a personality, meeting people in person also teaches you how to read people and their reactions. My online brethren can’t interpret words on a screen as well as I can interpret what someone is saying directly in front of me.

With all this being said, I think that online dating is beneficial for people. It provides a different avenue to meeting people. But, there are drawbacks. People should not rely on it completely. Living in spontaneity is part of the reason that makes living so enjoyable.

Men, meeting people in the “Real World” will help you develop your oratory skills with women, it’ll also improve your wit and charm. Trial and error is a great method to use out in public sphere. Women, it’ll show you that not every guy that comes up to you is a “creeper” or a “weirdo,” some are actually interesting men with no agenda at all (except to sleep with you of course, but that’s always going to be the case. Deal with it!). Although, admittedly, a lot of the male species are, but this allows you to see what each one looks like. It’s all about the experience!

As for my answer, I think as a group (20 somethings and 30 somethings) abuse the online domain. It’s all an observation and just one opinion after all. Perhaps, after all that, maybe I should get online and see what all the fuss is about? What’s the hurt in trying?

What do you think, do we rely too heavily on online dating?

Currently Listening To:

New Politics – Tonight You’re Perfect